I can't help it that you look like an angel.

Life's been so pathetic these last few days. And though it's nothing hugely crap, it still feels like crap. Almost killed 4 people in my car today while driving from Summit. Ok "kill"'s an overstatement but they could have been hurt. Eventhough they tell me it's not my fault, I know behind my back they're all talking about how careless I was. Friends whom I thought I could count on are basically shit right now. I don't know why I regard them so highly when they constantly let me down again and again. Then I come online, I blog about how shit they are, then they get me to commit to something again, AND THEN let me down all over.

I find out so many things about friends that I should probably have a long time ago and everytime I'm like "Oh I didn't know that ____", the usual response is "Oh. Yeah I didn't think it was important.". Whatever man, you call that friendship? Everyone is drifting apart and it's annoying the hell out of me. I thought it only applied to ex-schoolmates but it apparently does to people I've met online too! Either our lives are seriously that busy or I'm a lousy friend.

Also, I just feel like a third wheel half the time when I'm with people now. I just feel like I interrupt what would be a perfect gathering or meeting. I'm just "that girl who follows the cooler person". Probably I am right or I could be massively paranoid but that's just how I feel right now. Someone that unimportant but evidently always around. Only needed when my "skillz" are required/when there's no one else to talk to.

Family issues are also a nagging factor at the back of my mind. Mum's insane on some days, brilliant on others, Dad's mostly nice when we're with people but when it's just us, he's moody as hell. I'm so sick of being treated unfairly by either parent, the usual response is "I'm so sorry we're making life hell for you. When you're old enough, you can leave." All I asked for was a "It'll be alright." Line from either one of them. I don't care if it's sugar coated, at least it'll make me feel better. What's the use of a parent if you can't even confide in THEM. I might as well go talk to a wall.

So many problems, so little brains/logic to comprehend them. All I can say to myself now is that things will definitely change soon. And no one will dictate how fast that will happen but me. So I'm gonna hold myself to that promise :D