I want

I want to go into KL one day. No, one evening. And just take pictures of everything I see. I want to finally experience what it feels like to go out without a curfew. Not that I'm going to involve myself in something shady, I just need that freedom again which I haven't felt since I left Cyberia a year ago. I want to be able to say, alright. I'm going for a walk now and walk out whenever I feel like it. Come back whenever I feel like it. I'm tired of doing what people tell me to do. I just want that whole week to myself. I want to wake up when I feel like it and go to bed when I do.

Better yet, I want people who seem to have left my life to come back. I want to sit down with them and talk with them. Ask them how has life been since we parted and how we've changed. We'll catch up and I'll give them all hugs and we'll go our own ways again. I want to know that people who tell me "I will be here whenever you need me" actually mean it and when I need them, they will be there. I have unrealistic expectations sometimes but it's just how I feel. I am the kind of person, who will get up at any phone call for help and rush to their side no matter where I am. All they have to do is ask. (with some exceptions like I'm not in the country lah)

Most of all, all I want I ONE thing which no one can give me now. Which is why I don't bother asking for it. It's nothing materialistic. It's not even an object. It doesn't cost a single cent but it means more to me than anything else in the world. In any case, I just want this one thing which is eluding me and so many of us in our lives. I thought I had it at one point but upon further inspection ... I never did. So, when people ask me "what do you want?" ... it's always "nothing you can give me." Because no one ever can. The one person who could has since then diluted themselves in my mind. That was the only person who could have given me all I needed. Sadly, that time has come and gone.