Random Acts of Violent Love

Hola!

2011-11-12T08:19:00.003+08:00

Learn to love yourself, before you love others. Don't be too attached and be more mindful of your surroundings. Recognise who loves you and who doesn't. You'll realise who your true friends are when times are horrible. Sometimes bad things happen and there's nothing you can do about it. The best thing to do is just to smile and walk away from it or face it with no hard feelings. That's about all you can do anyway.

Work is progressing. I've gained a wonderful intern by the name of Nabila :) Yes, the very same one I went to University with. She's such fun to work with. I love knowing that there's someone who I've spent quite a significant of my time in college with around. Work can only get better now!

You say.

2011-10-09T20:52:00.002+08:00

I'm tired of telling myself that life will be better. Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. I'm always looking out for happiness but when it doesn't show up, I console myself (usually with work colleagues and family) for another 24 hours. Hopefully I don't seem too clingy. I want to meet new people to take my mind off old mistakes. Friends have begun to leave, family beginning to drift, loved ones no longer exist and I am somewhere in the vague middle trying to make the best out of things.

I do hope to come out of this phase/tunnel soon and into the light. I'm not drowning, but I'm not floating either.

Went to the mall today with family. Got myself a new top and eyeliner and some medication and that was about ... a weeks worth of pay? Worth it though, I love using better quality things now. All I need now, is a phone (as my current one is falling apart) and a pair of plug in speakers for my PC at work. Mi Gusta.

And I wanna lose weight!

Where was I?

2011-09-29T21:21:00.001+08:00

This baby seal shall remind me of better days to come. We'll be alright. It just takes time and a lot of patience. Bad days are abundant but we'll pull through as usual and everything is just moving along anyway. So just roll over. Smile. And blink! :)

(this is oddly cheerful of me)

We love and love more.

2011-09-23T00:42:00.002+08:00

I miss times. Many times. Times of happiness, romance, intense talks, silence with calm, everything. It all feels like a lifetime ago when I had that. I miss my life then, but I love it now too. I feel like an adult now and with some authority in hand with respect (I hope!), I can only hope to climb higher. In terms of work, my boss has given me the green light to seek out an intern to assist me in my designing workload. It's awesome to finally hear this but whether I can FIND anyone is a different story. Let's hope for the best.

To be alone, with me.

2011-09-18T01:20:00.003+08:00

365 Days. Different year, different person, different problem, different life.
It's been a rough journey getting here and my journey isn't done yet. I'm still on it and I am still figuring who I am inside (and out). I wish things had turned out differently. I wish I had done things differently and I wish I hadn't made the mistakes I have but it's made me who I am right now. I don't hate myself but I know I can be a lot better. I don't want to depend on anyone anymore. I don't need anyone. I just need myself. My own ideas, my own efficiency and my own strength. I can't rely on anyone to keep me happy/sane anymore. I did, and I am feeling the after effects of it. But as slowly as someone falls, they do come back up again and I'm hoping for that time to come along. So, moving on. Moving forward and never turning back.

Oh, Happy Birthday Alison :)

All the things I need ...

2011-09-09T02:01:00.003+08:00

Dear Adam,

Marry Me. Please?

Love,
Alison.

(a million xoxo's)

.... What? A girl can dream can't she?

From the daughter who's NEVER been a rebel ...

2011-09-08T01:55:00.000+08:00

When I did, no one listened. Now, I don't. Cheerio!

Sometimes

2011-09-01T00:52:00.002+08:00

Sometimes you wish your spirit would surpass your feelings and emotions and would let you take off into the distance without having to have concern of what you leave behind. Or in simpler words: I don't want to be so damn emotional anymore.

I depend too heavily on people's approval to make my day better. I don't know why. It's been a habit since the moment I opened my eyes. And yet, while this people pleasing chromosome is floating about in my body, the stubbornness and anger of wanting to have everything my way gets in the way and it's kind of oxymoronic if you think about it. Do I need to reevaluate my life? Hell yes? But I am attracted to the chaos too. I love the feeling of discord and disdain for some odd reason. It is a little morbid. I need this out of my system really badly. I don't think I lead the best life I can lead due to this mindset.

... oh and I wanna lose 10 pounds.

Saltwater.

2011-07-24T23:54:00.002+08:00

First of all, I found out earlier today about the demise of Amy Winehouse. I mean ... well, no one was really surprised. With that, I sat through an hour special on her life on E! and it was really sad to know how ... into her (ex?)husband she was. She was constantly stumped on by Cupid. So many song about one person. Hmm, I could probably write a million (lolbadjoke). In any case, Rest In Peace Amy. You really need it.

Secondly, I've come to realise today that closure is the mother of all medicines. It beats therapy. It opens your eyes and it lets you breathe. I had that moment this evening at dinner and it was amazing. I've never felt so open and freeing in my life ... OK I lie but you know. I loved it. No tears, no sobbing, nothing. Just me smiling and speaking and just letting it out and taking it in with no judgement or presumptions whatsoever. I loved today from beginning to end. And I shall end it on a good note and go to bed happy.

Goodnight world! :)

The final one.

2011-07-23T18:51:00.002+08:00

Saw it last week and it ~~was~~ almost as great as the book was. It definitely made me tear up really badly. It is definitely worth watching again ... and again, and again. Can't wait to get another invite (cause I'm too awesome to be seen walking into the cinema alone) to the movies just so I can persuade whoever it is that HP7 is the movie you wanna watch.

... I kid, I kid. No really. It IS the movie you wanna watch.

Bilal Khan came over to Malaysia a few weeks ago. I was kinda bummed I couldn't attend his show in LKW but in a way, I'm glad I didn't either. I can only imagine the awkwardness surrounding my presence at an event like that (random Chinese girls among the Pakistanis who more or less hate me). I still miss my days in Uni. Sitting in the plaza, wondering when class would start and when it actually did, wonder when I'd be let out to go home. Indeed, those were my days. Especially the desa ones ;)

I'm happy with how things turned out.

It's been a while.

2011-07-06T22:19:00.002+08:00

2 months have gone by; and not a single update here. That's embarrassing. In any case, a lot has happened since then (seriously I need to like, name my blog A Lot Has Happened Since Then because thats all I tend to say.) for instance, I got another job as a designer in a local Media Group called Redberry. I work with a team of really nice people. Two of them were from NTV7 (or was it Bernama ... crap I have to go ask them again tomorrow) and best of all, Fate! Yep, she was awesome enough to recommend me to her boss Ikmal for the position of ... wait for it ...

GROUP CREATIVE DESIGN EXECUTIVE

Yeah, that's my official title in the company (since they have another Jr. Designer in another department, we thought it would be a little awkward giving me the same title as his.) and I do pretty much what I did at Ganforhire but with a little more experience under my belt which always helps. My stint at Fitness First didn't go as well as I expected. I had a great training experience and made plenty of new friends. However, sales never worked for me I suppose. I don't like crunching numbers like that.

On a more personal note, my folks will be flying to Sabah tomorrow morning, which means more stuff for me to take care of (IE: sister). I don't mind all that. It's just the waking up and dropping her to school stuff I don't wanna do. But ah well, weights gotta be pulled after all. Suppose I should be turning in a little earlier. Paying more attention to my blood pressure level. As my bosses cousin passed a way a few days ago (RIP) due to low blood pressure it made me a little queasy about my predicament (lah, stop using big words!) as I have a slightly less than average blood pressure level. Getting more rest, working out properly and most importantly: looking after what I put in my mouth ... that last one needs to be paraphrased.

On that note, I've joined another gym! True Fitness in Jaya 33 shall be my frequent now as I work behind it and it's a mere 4 min drive (no seriously!). It's got a pool, tons of classes and it's huge. I didn't mind my first day there yesterday which was the complementary session with a FI. I got Steven (who told me he was from the UK branch of FF) and he was really helpful with stuff ... that I already know about. LOL! But it was fun. Looking forward to my new gym surrounding at True Fitness. With that, cheers to hopefully losing 10 kg's by December ;)

Gila stress wei

2011-05-23T23:17:00.000+08:00

Just sayin'

Can't afford to keep you longer.

2011-05-21T09:27:00.002+08:00

Time's passed by again and we're staring at the final 10 days of the month. May. My eyes are just widening at the thought that a whole month has flown by. Tonne's happened that's for sure but it doesn't seem to justify the fact that so much time has come and gone. I still feel pretty unproductive as ever.

Love my job (so far) in Fitness First. Haven't done much except shadow other Consultants and small stuff as well as Inductions and whatnot. But it's been really fun and I like my colleagues. Tonnes of fun. I guess some of them still remember me as a member and sometimes still give me the O.o look when I walk past them in uniform. It's all good. Hope my rookie month isn't going to kill me though.

However I still remain as lost as ever.

Sometimes things get complicated

2011-05-17T12:37:00.002+08:00

Didn't think I'd be too lazy to even lift my head up, I've moved around enough for the day. Favours, chores and people will have to wait now. Alison is currently MIA into the couch.

Do you wanna dance? Yeah!

2011-05-01T17:58:00.001+08:00

Woah, where did April go?

Time to not bother again!

2011-04-27T21:41:00.001+08:00

Head's been swimming these last 2 days. Don't know why. A whole dizzy spell of a day. Driving's a little difficult but other than that ... life's good! Lawl.

Went and got my uniform + signed the contract today at Fitness First. I suppose I start training on the 5th of May. Can't wait to start earning the simoleons and getting my life going cause God knows it's fucking stuck. I'm in that little scene of Inception where Leo is getting chased by agents in Mombasa and he gets pinned in this tiny crease between buildings and he squeezes out. Yeah, kinda like taking a dump and being excreted out. Only, not so graphic and more metaphorical.

Yeah, I'm gonna lie down now :DDD

There are times.

2011-04-26T21:55:00.002+08:00

That being said, I got the job~

I am now a Membership Consultant at Fitness First Menara Summit. Now, if only I knew how to get to Menara Manulife in Damansara tomorrow for the induction process. Uh, GPS please?

Do take a listen to Tables by Talal Chaudhry. It's an old song but it really needs more recognition than just 239 views. It's a lot better than Deadmau5 IMO. It's not mainstream and it's just ... right. I love it.

Productivity please!

2011-04-22T10:02:00.002+08:00

A.J. Mohacsy (Australia) - Portfolio

Not that timing matters or that I'm practically back to bumming around the home (and that my health has been on a roller coaster of a ride as of late) while being jobless, but that feeling has struck again. The feeling where you look at others around you who have been so productive in their fields and lives while you've been stagnant in doing ... well, nothing! I've seen classmates of mine getting themselves up and moving in their lives and careers and are loving (a term to be used loosely) it. No doubt there have been hiccups along the way but they've still come a long way since. What have I achieved for myself? Nothing much I suppose. A month's worth of internship? I don't even know if a month is counted for anything here.

Another thought which attacks the recesses of my mind is that, I don't know if I want to stay in the design field for now. I just want a job to pay off some bills ... haha I make it sound like I'm supporting a family don't I? Nah, I mean just basic stuff like gym payments and car maintenance. Just to take whatever load I can off Mum & Dad. That being said, I suppose I could get a small part time stint somewhere for a while to gather funds which have nothing to do with my field of study. That's what bothers me. Would it mean that my 4 years of University have been all for nothing if I just take a job which has nothing to do with it? Not even a proper 9 - 5 one but just a college kid job just to pay off small debts ...

Who am I kidding? I'll take anything I can get I suppose. There's no room to be picky anymore.

I want ...

2011-04-20T11:54:00.002+08:00

Was never good at being sick. I suppose I was never good at being cooped up at home either. Now I'm going through both. A string of illnesses which ceases to come to an end and freedom which mocks me from outside the gates of this home. I feel like an animal ... a very sick one, being caged in with just food and water for survival. Ah, but I suppose being in this position has taught me many things: patience, appreciation for the smaller things, love for my habitat (I thought we'd still stick to the animal reference), humility, and to just slow down ... and to stop feeling bad for myself lol.

I wouldn't say I'm depressed, just thoughtful.

▲,☻

2011-04-10T10:40:00.003+08:00

It's been a month since I've written. I don't even know how to summarize my month of May-April. I have all the words but they're just jumbled in between thoughts and fingers. Been interning for a month at Ganforhire. The internship period ends in a week. I've applied at different places so far. One thing I did learn at G4H is that I may not be cut out to be a designer after all. Yeah, when that sentence was given to me to ponder upon, I'll admit I was a little crestfallen. Not in a "the world has come to an end" way, but rather in a "what do I do now?" manner. I suppose I'll try out different industries which still plays a little to what talents I have. Question is, WHAT talents DO I possess? Hardly any now that I've roamed a little.

Can't wait to not work in Bangsar anymore. I don't hate the company, it's only because driving there every morning is a nightmare for me.

Another problem which has presented itself to me is my fitness level (or lack thereof). It's been a while since I've attended any gym sessions. I've gained a good stone or two I suppose. Clothes are getting a little stretched again and as you can imagine, I am freaking out. It's not that I've eaten more, I eat probably the same amounts I've always have, just not maintained my fitness. It feels strange to not have to wake up at 10 and haul ass to the gym anymore. I don't miss it but I know I need it. Oh, thighs!

Chori chori tere ...

2011-03-14T21:55:00.002+08:00

Getting sicker and sicker by the day. Plagued by the fever, flu and cough trifecta. Life couldn't be more fun. To top that off, I've got an interview to attend tomorrow in Bangsar. Someone up there really wants me to learn a lesson. I don't know what lesson, but He sure wants me to learn something. My body is seriously shutting down from the mental and physical stress. Still, I realise there are others out there who are in worse condition than myself however, I will still rue about my lack of good health. I'm not bothered to go to a doctor though if this triangle of sickness persists till April, I'm making a point to. Oh yeah, I'm sure some of my family members suspect me of smoking now with this annoying cough which hasn't cured itself since January, I can't even-

Oh well, at least now I get to experiment with officewear since that's something I have NO clue about LOL. Gotta find some kind of silver lining. :)

Finally watched Inception a week ago (yes, I'm a late bloomer)and all I can say is that when I first watched it I was like ...

Had to watch it another ... 3 times. I've finally figured it out. Thank God I didn't watch it on the plane flying from Melbourne. I might have passed out on the flight. But NOW I know I can watch it a million times without feeling bored. FTW!

Onegai Shimasu

2011-03-12T15:55:00.000+08:00

Pray For Japan.

You are found!

2011-03-07T08:25:00.000+08:00

Less this.

More this.

Wish me luck!

PLUR

2011-03-05T22:12:00.002+08:00

Questions still spring up in my mind in the wee hours of the night. Did I do the right thing? Am I still here because I choose to be or because I let myself. Do I trust my own judgment or be led by others. Am I being brainwashed or am I learning something which I should have ages ago? Why do I even care about these things? I should be living my own life and enjoying every bit of it. Or wait, do I even have one? I'm so accustomed to being told what to do and how to do it until I don't even know what to do when I get the choice!

One of those days you know what I mean? :)

Bum bum bum

2011-03-03T16:00:00.001+08:00

(by Ian Gallagher)

Russia goes trance!

2011-03-03T15:52:00.002+08:00

Just thinking.

There really is no point in being sad anymore. I don't want to bother about people anymore. Nah, it's hardly worth the time and energy. I suppose there's always an exception but more often than not, I'd rather just worry about myself. I don't need anyone to look after me anymore. If I fuck up and disappear, then it's my loss and I didn't do a good enough job. Life's a mess so it's a mess and I don't need to constantly try to fix everything. It's tiring. Why can't I be the kid who just sits down and points fingers at people trying to get them to do things for me eventhough I can easily get it done myself? Why not? I think I deserve some of that privilege every once in a while. My lovely sister does do the occasional favour for me so much love to her. The point it though ... that I'd like to be able to call the shots every now and then. I don't want to constantly ask for instructions. It's boring. What about what Alison wants? There's also a flipside to that thought. What if people don't like what I want? Hmm, then we go a problem on our hands.

Oh well, I guess it's better to be told what to do after all. :D

Do something.

2011-02-27T11:43:00.001+08:00

Now I know what it feels like to be in limbo. With nothing really going for you and nothing really working out. It's not like you're going to die or something but you do feel an intense nothingness. I want to get out there and do something with my life and yet again, I don't want to. I want to fade away and disappear into vast empty space. Not possible though, that's not how life was designed to go for people. You need to work at something to gain something. Leave people alone. They don't want to be near you right now. They have their own things to do and frankly, so should you. Get off your butt, go do something. Be productive. DO SOMETHING.

You're in for it.

2011-02-22T21:16:00.002+08:00

Have you ever made out in a bathroom?
No. Yes, maybe.

Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
Sure, my sisters such fun to peck.

Who was the last person to call you?
A friend.

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Water.

When is the last time you cried?
This evening.

Are you scared of spiders?
Nope. Well, it depends on how large/close they are.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Yes.

What are your plans for this weekend?
I don't know. Get a fucking job.

Ever been swimming in a lake or river?
Uhm, not actually swim. Just paddle.

Last person you drove with in a car?
Myself only.

What did you last buy?
Lunch.

What’s irritating you right now?
My life.

What radio stations do you listen to?
Hitz.

Are you afraid of the dark?
Yes, sometimes.

Are you listening to music right now?
No. Dad's got the TV on

Do you like Chinese food?
Sure.

Is there anyone you wish was still in your life?
No. People leave for reasons.

Do you get distracted easily?
Sometimes. More than not.

First time you kissed the last person you kissed?
Uh, I don't know. When she was BORN?

Was this the best year of your life?
No. Fuck 2011.

Who are your best friends?
Don't believe in them.

Is it easier to forgive or forget?
Neither.

Are you jealous of someone?
Natalie Portman.

What last made you laugh the hardest?
Hmm. I don't remember. I don't laugh much anymore.

Do you flirt a lot?
No. Fuck that shit now.

Would you live with someone without marrying them?
Yeah, if I'm comfortable enough.

Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
Of course. Horrid dreams.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Mom.

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Yeah. Wasn't that fun but it was still thrilling.

Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
Yep.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
Yep.

Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?
I'm a horrible GF and I know it.

Have you ever dated Someone Older Than You?
of course.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
I don't know. Maybe not.

Believe in love at first sight?
No. Fuck that shit.

So this.

2011-02-22T21:07:00.001+08:00

Life's just a blank canvas now. I don't know what to paint on it. I don't know what colours to choose and where to paint them. Maybe it will remain blank for a while. It's pretty calming for now to just be ... blank.

Aside from the fact my wallet is blank too :)

Terasa.

2011-02-20T01:10:00.003+08:00

Oh sure, call me whatever you want. I’m wild, crazy, lying, insecure … whatever. I know what I stand for. I know who I am. I know what I’m capable of. I know my limits and I know how to take care of myself. If I slip up along the way, it’s my fault. I get it. No one needs to roll their eyes at me. If someone wants to talk smack about me, go right ahead. I bring it upon myself anyway for trying to let people see that I’m not just another face in this fucked up world.

I know my own dignity and how to look after it. It’s not a problem for me anymore. I’m growing up. I’ll deal with it. I’ll be myself and I’ll love myself for it. I’ll listen, learn and move with the flow. I’ll be OK. No one needs to worry about me.

I'm fucking insane for being shitfaced. I'm so in the mood to give up and throw my hands in the air and just say "white flag" to life. I'm done with it. I can't get anywhere or do anything right. It's messing with my head/judgment and ... yeah. Just, messed up.

Just because.

2011-02-16T22:15:00.001+08:00

Are you currently fighting with someone?
Nope. Not today.

Who/What would you like to see right now?
A good friend.

Are you mad at someone right now?
Myself mainly.

What’s the nicest text in your inbox say?
I've deleted everything in my inbox actually.

Is there an empty place in your heart?
Maybe.

Do you count down the days till anything?
Sometimes. But I can't be bothered anymore.

Are you looking forward to something as of right now?
I don't know. I just float through life now.

Have you ever been called a tease?
Nah, maybe. Don't remember.

What is the farthest you’ve traveled with a friend?
Australia with Anne.

Are any of your friends so close that you consider them family?
They know who they are.

Anyone told you a secret this week?
Maybe ;)

Last time you wore the opposite sex’s clothing?
I am right now.

What do you want in your life right now?
Peace.

When was the last time you laughed so hard you thought you were going to cry?
Some months back.

Did you tell someone something today?
:)

What's my name?

2011-02-16T20:08:00.002+08:00

I wanna go forth. Go away. Go somewhere. Just go. I'm alone and love it like this. I wanna move with myself and flow with it. It makes no sense now but it means the world to me. The sharp pain of words stabbing at my sides like little sharp daggers digging into the flesh. I wanna run away into the distance. Sit in an empty field with the gentle breeze. Maybe I'll get the opportunity one day. But for now, I remain stuck.

So enough for today.

Always believe it's Magik!

2011-02-11T15:09:00.001+08:00

Here's a lesson you need to learn.

Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind.

A post from January 2009

2011-02-11T00:08:00.000+08:00

Watched a movie called Sublime today. It was so confusing because I didn't watch from the beginning.

"Admitted to Mt. Abaddon Hospital for a routine procedure, George Grieves discovers that his condition is much more serious and complicated than originally expected; and as his own fears begin to manifest around him, he learns that Mt. Abaddon is not a place where people come to get better... it is a place where people come to die." - imbd.

It was a very ... screwy movie. I felt so empty after watching it. Haha. It's a 'dark psychological piece'. It didn't feel like a horror movie. Just moved very slowly and it toyed with the viewers minds. Although in the ending I was like "WTF" but it was a smart ending I guess. It left me unhappy but satisfied. It also mentions loads of current issues the common person goes through: poor health care in USA, racism, infidelity and whatnot. It got some really good reviews and some really bad ones. Considered to be a failed experiment by Warner Bros for a horror movie. *shrugs*. But yes, if you expect hack and gore (as the cover may suggest), it's not at all like that. It's slow and mind screwing lol

This time to keep.

2011-02-10T22:55:00.002+08:00

I'm just. Done. My mind is so empty. My eyes are bloodshot. My coughing worse than ever. Not at ease. I wanna walk out. Walk out of life. Move on. Carry myself to another level. Let go. Forget. Freeze. Remember how I loved so much. Then I started to forget. I forgot how to love. It's a ridiculous feeling. It's a common human condition. To love. Right? Perhaps not. If someone pushes you so far to the edge, you may forget who you were in the first place. Is it their fault? I don't think so. Only you allow yourself to be pushed into a corner. Be brave girl, stand up for what you believe in. Even if people tell you otherwise. If your own heart tells you otherwise.

Take a listen. It's a song called Chori Chori by Meesha Shafi. Totally chilled out and just beautiful to fall asleep/walk about the neighbourhood to. I think I've zoned out to this song about 10 times today. I'm just so tired to think. Best way to get out of the zone is to get into it, through music. Of course another tune I'd zone out to is Is it Love by the ever-awesome Nadia Ali. Wouldn't life be so different if ...

Try again.

2011-02-09T17:21:00.000+08:00

Applied for another 4 jobs. I can't keep doing this. I'm getting tired. This is ridiculous.

So tell me.

2011-02-08T15:32:00.002+08:00

What happens when you find out almost everything you knew about a person was a complete lie? When you gave your all to find out everything was an illusion? When you loved so passionately to find out your heart belonged to someone who didn't return it, but threw it away. When you know that you cannot feel the same anymore. And you know that you wanted the best for this person. Hell, you wanted the best with this person. You thought this person was everything. They know all, see all, feel all and care the most. And then you find out you're wrong. You're merely a notch in a long pole. Waiting in line for your turn. Unaware that your emotions and feelings were just laughed and toyed with.

In any case, when something doesn't work out, it just doesn't. Full stop. I had hopes.

I ain't freakin, I ain't faking this.

2011-02-07T02:46:00.002+08:00

I wanna change myself now. I don't like how I am anymore. I wanna mature into a person who takes no bull and gives no bull. It won't happen overnight. I know it'll be a hard process too. To grow into someone who I generally would hate in my life now. You know ... quiet, unconcerned (or so they seem) and just chilled. And all that jazz. I'm tired of being so into everything. When nothing goes for me, I don't wanna bother getting too attached to shit anymore. I'm just gonna keep to myself ... it doesn't pay off to be so attached. If I show up, I show up. If I don't, I got my reasons. So the learning process starts.

Take my hand.

2011-02-05T20:13:00.002+08:00

1. Do you like blue cheese?
God, No. Tried it in Melbourne and NEVER AGAIN!

2. Have you ever smoked?
No. Only Shisha.

3. Do you own a gun?
Nope. Wish I did sometimes.

4. What is your favourite cordial flavour?
Orange. That's about all I'll tolerate.

5. Do you get nervous before Doctor appointments?
Sometimes. It depends on what kind of appointment it's for.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Yum?

7. Favourite Christmas moive?
The Grinch I should think. Does Love Actually count?

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Water or Apple juice/Peach tea.

9. Do you do push-ups?
Badly.

10.What’s you favourite piece of jewellery?
My Own necklace from Ziad.

11. Favourite hobby?
Listening to Music/Photoshopping.

12. Do you have A.D.D?
Nope. I wish I did too. No, seriously. I over think. It would be nice to have a little bit of a release.

13. What’s the one thing you hate about yourself?
My ... emotions. I wish I could get rid of them.

14. Middle name?
Don't have one.

15.Name three thoughts at this exact moment?
a. I wanna get out of the house.
b. I want to Shisha.
c. I want more money to leave the country.

16.Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Ice-Barley / Ice-Tea / Water. How lame am I? LOL

17. Current worry?
Financial woes. No job, no cash.

18. Current hate right now?
Myself.

19. Favourite place to be?
Home. Far away from everyone.

20.How do you ring in the new year?
Sleeping. I can't be bothered.

21.Where would you like to go?
Greece.

22.Name three people who will complete this?
Don't give a crap.

23.Do you own slipper?
No?

24. What colour shirt are you wearing right now?
White/Black

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Uh, can't say I've done that too much in life. So I don't have a strong opinion on it.

26. Can you whistle?
Yes. Quite well in fact.

27. Favourite Colour?
Black

28. Would you be a pirate?
Nah, not my kind of life. LOL.

29.What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't remember anymore. And I don't anymore either.

30.Favouite girls name?
Adrienne.

31. Favourite boys name?
Suhail. ... what?

And we got us

2011-02-05T13:00:00.001+08:00

The smaller things.

2011-02-05T12:51:00.001+08:00

Trying times.

2011-02-04T22:08:00.000+08:00

Something really haunts me about this tune. This version is pretty awesome too.

Above and Beyond - Good For Me.

2011-02-02T11:22:00.001+08:00

I love this song. Take a listen if you can.

Leaving reason far behind.

2011-02-01T23:12:00.002+08:00

THREE WAYS I AM STILL A KID
1. I love being childish every once in a while. Stupid jokes, laughing for fun, giggling etc.
2. Animated movies are still good.
3. I love being carefree.

THREE WAYS I AM ALREADY OLD
1. I need a job.
2. I've graduated University.
3. I'm considering moving out soon.

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO
1. Get a job.
2. Move out.
3. Achieve success in all my desires.

THREE WAYS THAT I’M A STEREOTYPICAL “BOY”
1. I hate pink.
2. Pants > Skirts any day.
3. I think girls are gross. LOL!

THREE WAYS THAT I’M A STEREOTYPICAL “GIRL”
1. I love make up/accessories.
2. I am looks conscious.
3. I get offended by some stuff I hear about myself? I dunno!

THREE NEW THINGS I WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1. Losing more weight to be able to do more sports?
2. GETTING A JOB/MONEY!?
3. Dying my hair a lighter shade of brown. Hmm.

THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MYSELF
1. My eyes.
2. My ... sense of humour?
3. My taste in music.

THREE THINGS I STRONGLY DISLIKE ABOUT MYSELF
1. My inability to say "no"
2. The fact I'm a sore loser.
3. I have to get almost everything my way.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
1. Paranormal activity. BRRR!
2. Everything does actually.
3. Next question thanks.

THREE OF MY EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
1. Water
2. Shower
3. Cellphone

THREE CHARACTERISTICS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX (OR SAME) THAT APPEAL TO ME
1. I love men who are articulate.
2. Hygienic.
3. And smell good. LOL. Meaning, Agua Di Gio or Dunhill Desire.

THREE THINGS I JUST CAN’T DO
1. Let go.
2. Grow Up.
3. Get over it

(these are all from what people have said to me LOL)

THREE CAREERS I’M CONSIDERING
1. Designer.
2. Decorator.
3. Bum. Which probably is the best. Mmm.

Friend. Or. Foe.

2011-01-30T13:38:00.002+08:00

Stop trying to change me. I am what I am - Above and Beyond.

People aren't as truthful as they think they'd like to be. Everyone stabs everyone in the back these days. It's funny to see how some people stoop so low to get out of trouble by lying or coming up with insane stories. Do not trust anyone. As close as you'd like to hope you are to that person. Nothing, I repeat, nothing will stop them from pulling that knife out and sticking into your back should something to their advantage arise. It's sickening. Maturity does not come with age. At all. I don't believe this. People are conniving and are advanced players in games of the mind. I trust no one but myself. I pass no one knowledge and I share nothing. When you have good intentions with people, they take advantage of your kindness and twist and turn. No, aside from your own mother and father, it would be wise to not divulge your ongoings with individuals who "seem" to be your friend.

Just know who I am.

Here's a woman I'd go lesbian for:

2011-01-29T20:31:00.000+08:00

Anne, Y U SO PERFEK?!

Or did you forget ...

2011-01-29T19:45:00.002+08:00

Got over garlic breath today through a glass of meelk. :D

Well, I got some stuff done today, took Mystic to the vet. She's got a throat irritation problem which cost us an insane RM150+ for pills. Whatever happened to canine Strepsils? Poor dog has been so distressed since she contracted it. Still have no clue how she got it though. She's way too fragile for a Golden Retriever. No, seriously.

Went for my interview today with Mr.Lam and Mom. Looks pretty good. I suppose I'd be a clerk for the next few months. It's not a job I intend to keep forever of course but I do feel the strain of a non-income life now. So I think with the amount he's willing to pay me every month, I don't mind. It's close to home anyway. I still want my job as a designer to happen one day. Love the fact I'm gonna gain tonnes of experience though. So we'll see how it goes.

Anyway, life goes on.

No harm in it.

2011-01-28T22:25:00.002+08:00

Here's something I hate to admit. Being a girl does give me the little feeling of wanting to cuddle up to someone from time to time. I feel like just sending out mushy-as-hell messages to the man who makes me smile. I want to snuggle up to him and just lay my head on his chest and just fall asleep while he plays with my hair. I want to smell his perfume and smile to myself as the scent of it reminds me of better times. I want to leave him cheesy notes on his pillow and I want to make cookies for him (ok I think it's better if I just buy them instead of bake). I want to squint my eyes into a smile as he leans in to kiss my forehead.

I don't know. I'm tired of being all anti displays of affection from time to time. I don't advise people start making out in the middle of the street but these smalls gestures that men and women do for their significant others are ... well ... significant. I don't think we should hide from it. I'd like to be able to hold on to my partners hand in the middle of a crowded room as well as an open field. No social barriers to stop me from doing that. What's the harm in it anyway? I don't understand. I don't want to have my butt groped but a simple tug at my fingers would suffice. Is it wrong that women ... and men alike want to feel loved sometimes even when it's not within the confinement of four walls?

I mean it.

Work.

2011-01-28T11:30:00.002+08:00

Nothing but good feelings today. I love it. I woke up with a smile. Laid in bed for a good half an hour before proceeding to continue in my daily routine of waking up. No, I didn't feel like P. Diddy but it definitely was a good feeling at best. I'll be staying in most of today and probably the weekend. I've had a long week of shopping/hanging out/working out/etc so now I'd like to just have a good weekend in. I might start working on Monday at a job nearby home for a shipping company or somewhat. I don't know what the job specs are as of yet but it can't be too hard if Mum worked there a few months before. The pay won't be as much as I would ask for but I think as long as I'm employed right now, that's the important thing. Fingers crossed! again.

Bang bang gidi bang bang.

2011-01-27T01:57:00.003+08:00

LOL, I thought it was interesting that I google myself tonight. Why though? I don't know. I just felt like it. I found a blog entry by an old friend (whose name shall remain annon for his sake). It was nice to hear what he thought about me:

Another personality almost similar to Wan Xiong would be my back-in-the-days Photoshop guruette, Alison Tan. Her and brushes clicked like silk, and all her arts look damn professional. Back when I just met her she was already obsessed with creating all sorts of digital pieces like icons, wallpapers and posters. Looking back at our co-op project for IU Day, the things she came up with so easily dwarfed my 2 nights straight hard effort. Now studying at LimKokWing, will only enhance what she does best and now running around with her own 400D, she’s sure to give some old timers a run for their money in the future.

So yep, thanks a million dude. I hope you still think I'm that good. ;) If I'm not mistaken he had just left for Karachi before he wrote that entry. How coincidental?

Dunia ini tidak memberi ...

2011-01-23T23:15:00.003+08:00

Day 10: Describe your first love and first kiss.

Well, the first love happened when I was in Primary school. Yep, good ol' puppy love. It was for a boy I had initially hated as a person as he was kind of a bully who used to tease. That being said, we became friends over a period of 2 years and eventually confessed our "feelings" for each other. It was all cute. Over notes we used to leave in each others pencil cases/bags during lunch break. So yeap.

As for my first kiss, that was another story altogether. I was 19 and it was Ziad. Enough said. LOL.

Every.

2011-01-21T23:26:00.002+08:00

I hold you close, and listen to the silence between the both of us. I smile to myself. I'm now calm with the knowledge you are right next to me. With my eyes shut, I whisper into your ear that I do love you with every fiber of my being. Do I really? Or am I overwhelmed by emotion and in such scenarios say things which I don't mean? I wish to retire my thoughts and lay them to rest. I want to walk in open fields alone. Completely alone. With my earphones which play melodies into my brain, I will walk alone in this state. I will be with the sky and land. I will be far from home and will roam free. But really, I don't wish to be away for too long. I still crave the love and attention from you. You embody all I need and want and yet, with the conflict which is ever present I feel the most furthest from you when I am right next to you. How is this so?

And with these thoughts, I will go to bed now and remember that this is merely a dream.

If only?

2011-01-21T16:29:00.002+08:00

Day 9: How you hope your future would be like.

- via venitiandreams

+

Happy with a partner who will be with me throughout thick and thin.

- via fueledbyphotos

+

Better physique

-via forgottenfragments

+ a great job and a good home to live in.

Kinda basic isn't it? LOL.

There's always something in the way.

2011-01-20T18:27:00.001+08:00

Always looks better on a skinner person. LOL! Damn, boredom does take its toll.

Something I need to remember.

2011-01-20T13:31:00.002+08:00

Yet again, I've forgotten my commitment to the 30 Day Meme.

I don't even remember what day I stopped at, so I'll just take a stab and go from DAY 8. A Day I was most satisfied with life.

Does anyone care?

Eh, probably not. But I'll go on anyway. I was perhaps the most satisfied with myself the moment I got my results for my final semester in Limkokwing Uni. It marked the end of my academic life and it was not on a bad note and my grades were satisfying more than anything else. I had made my time in the University worth while (especially to my parents pockets) and it was gratifying. That's one of those "Oh, yeah you did it girl" days. :)

Bokeh.

2011-01-19T13:17:00.000+08:00

Just cause I can.

I could cry

2011-01-19T10:22:00.003+08:00

Because I suddenly feel as if I'll lose you. I'm scared and worried for many reasons more than one. I feel the lump in my throat grow larger and my palms are now sweaty. I feel as if we're living on borrowed time. And when you borrow something, you have to give it back. Is this the payment? You? I don't know but I need some assurance that something will happen soon. I feel like everything is tossed around in a large washing machine of life. Everything is now spinning and it won't stop unless someone presses that "stop" button. What happens now? Where do we go from here? I may be a paranoid individual but I'd rather keep my worries with me rather than to wander aimlessly without a direction because I am of course, scared after all.

& in other news, the internet sucks today lol. Back to bumming.

Progressive, possesive.

2011-01-10T23:28:00.002+08:00

Month of January has reached double digits. The clock seems to move faster now. 2010 is a blur 2011 ever more so. What's going on? What happened to the concept of time? It feels like a joke now.

Will be attending a dinner session with everyone tomorrow for Kavi's birthday/farewell to Poland for 7 weeks. I'll be missing her like a fat kid misses cake. (Did you hear that Kavi?!) ... It'll definitely be a little different without her around to poke at. Plus she's someone I can always go to for some rock solid smackdown talks. LOL. In any case ... it should be a good night tomorrow. I need to bust a move at the gym in the morning to get some weight lost for the dancefloor. HAHA. (Macam la boleh dance pon. Ni cakap keropok je)

I got my rear seat belts (finally) installed in the Kelisa. It looks spankin' now but it also looks bleh. I loved it when it was un-belted. There was room for more folks. HAHA. Ah well, it's not like I drive tonnes of people around either so it's all good. It was more for Dad and his peace of mind that I finally got it done so no cop can pull a saman for fun game on me.

I miss you.

2011-01-03T21:40:00.000+08:00

for many different reasons. Smile Alison.

I can't believe this kind of faith.

2011-01-01T12:27:00.002+08:00

It was a lovely New Years Celebration this year. I had a lot of fun. I'd never forget it of course. It was with the best people I can come up with. Good people, good food and good fun. Would do it all over again if I could. Time to snap back to reality though. Life isn't a fantasy after all. I have truly started to (almost) accept that everything does happen for a reason. You may not know why certain people enter your life and you never know when they leave ... of if they leave at all. It's all up to the Almighty above and if He decides to remove/add people in your life. Let it be. You'll realise soon enough why it was done. I really do believe that now. I put my faith in Him.

Woah. Ok. Moving on.

I've been crying my eyes out these last few days due to stupid decisions and bad judgment. I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't know what to do.

Strobe me away.

2010-12-27T10:42:00.002+08:00

Come to think of it. I kinda miss Melbourne now. Not a good time to get attached. :) I suppose I gotta save up as much as I can now before I can get down there again. It'll be some time.

Got an interview at Kinetic tomorrow. This would be my second time there but now as a University Graduate. Woo hoo. :P I'm hoping for the best of course. Gonna get my stuff prepared and prepped up today for my visit tomorrow. The people working there are really nice and it's a great place as well. Not too big, not to small ... lovely.

I've been a good girl and been hitting gym (almost) everyday since I got back. I think I have lost SOME amount of that holiday weight gain. I'm now worried for NEW YEAR weight gain haha. Bad time of the year for those who are trying to get trimmed. But we will prevail. I better because I got tons of clothes from Melbourne which were in a smaller size so if I want my moneys worth I better step up that workout that I dread so much.

Thought you'd like to know that :)

I wanna dance tonight!

2010-12-25T16:03:00.002+08:00

How is it plus size models can adorn swimsuits and still look good while I put on a tshirt and look like I'm about to give birth? Life's unfair. After much pizza/beer/unnamed alcohol/chips/buns from last nights dinner with Aroon/Yee Mun/Rizal/Anne/Yiwen/Ziad/Iskandar, I truly think I have done a great unfairness to my body and gained much more weight. This isn't right! Talking about my body issues isn't gonna make a difference and may annoy some people as well but it really has started to bug me lately :( Curse you holiday weight gain!

Shop till you drop!

2010-12-19T15:56:00.002+08:00

Well, despite the sudden rain in Melbourne ... it's been a good day. As for my wallet, it's been a weightloss day. It's getting thinner as the week progresses. LOL but my bag for Malaysia may have gained a few kilos in purchases. Hmm. In any case, went to Vic Market and St. Kilda today with the fam. Got myself some lingerie (I told myself I had to treat myself this time) and a swim suit. Boo yeah!

I got this from Jay Jays. Now I need the body to match with it. LOL. I'll leave it till March next year to see if I can fit into it then. failface.

I've enjoyed my time here in Melbourne thoroughly. I apologise in advance to anyone who I had arranged to meet and hadn't had the time to. I've been swarmed by my own appointments and daily plans. I've only really had one day of complete not-going-outness. So I've been around a lot. However, time has run out and I will depart for Kuala Lumpur on Tuesday.

I'll be missing out on one of the best parties ever. I've been walking past this poster every day and it's killing me. I probably wouldn't have enough money to attend anyway. I did however walk past the Etihad Stadium yesterday while roaming about Melbourne City. Docklands was cool but it rained the moment I got there so that took my enthusiasm away with it. Anyway, it's gonna be a blast.

Watched both Death Note movies this week. All I can say is LOL. I don't know how this got so hyped up back home but I kind of see the appeal in it. Everyone loves L don't they? They made Japanese women look mind numbingly stupid in both films IMO. Good work Japan! :D

We got the pump!

2010-12-15T14:41:00.002+08:00

That'd be my results for the final semester of my life as a University student.

	Mark of 80-89	8	High Distinction
	Mark of 70-79	7	Distinction

That's pretty much what it means. So I'm pretty pleased with myself. I didn't think I'd do too well this time around ... but I'm happy :) As for Design Reflective, phew. I knew I didn't do too well on that. I'm really happy for my CAD subjects though.

.

2010-12-13T19:55:00.002+08:00

What's sad is that while you want to talk to other people, you know is that other people don't want to talk to you. So screw that.

Need a change?

2010-12-13T17:17:00.003+08:00

Been here for ... 3 days so far. Almost met Oprah, got sunburned on my face which means it's peeling off like hell now, went on massive shopping sprees, met up with relatives, jogged till I got lost and it's only been less than 50 hours since I've graced the land Down Under. It's been quite cold and while the locals may find it to be "mildly cool", I've been hiding under my thick quilt hoping for some ray of sunshine ... which doesn't make a difference cause it's STILL too cold.

I might wander around Melbourne City tomorrow. It'll be my first day officially solo on this trip. Since then, I've been glad to be around family who've helped me settle in as they always do. I do admit, I feel a lot more relieved here. No stress from uni or the people in it. No hot weather (although, I could use some now) and no responsibilities. That doesn't mean I've gone nuts though. I still keep to a certain set of rules I have for myself.

I miss some people from home. That's about the only thing I need right now. Another thing I'm missing: Graduation. Everyone's gone ahead and collected their grad gowns while I freeze in Melbourne. It's alright. Wish I had more company here though. That's about the only thing which could cure some form of boredom except for sleeping, eating and shopping. LOL!

As it goes around the track.

2010-12-07T15:28:00.002+08:00

Mum went for a walk this morning with Mystic and luck would have it as she stumbled upon a whole bag of fabric.

Must have been utopia for her. Who'd wanna discard all this fabric? More for us I guess! Plus it also gave me a chance to be narcissistic with it. LOL.

Quit playin games with my heart.

2010-12-06T23:06:00.002+08:00

Adamantine was a blast. It turned out quite well despite some hiccups along the way. All and all, it was an enjoyable exhibition and I'm glad we pulled it off. I'm happy for the turn out and for the support we got from our friends and families. So without further ado, pictures! (Thanks to Joyce)

We had a pretty good crowd. Thanks for coming too Mum, Michelle, Joanne and Geraldine

Me, Kinna, and Saleha.

Booyeah who gotcha work done?

Stellar by day~

And by twilight.

Thanks for coming Ziad.

Mmmhmm, Namecards. Can I have the phone on the right? LOL.

When one gets bored, go out for a smoke/mingling session ...

... or strike a weird look. (LOL Adel)

LOL. Thanks for coming Aroon, Yee Mun and Kavi. I think Bowen likes you. HAHA!

The lovely Bowen and Jimmy!

That's that. GROUP SHOT! With our Adamantine Shirts of Awesome.

Thanks again for the love and support. Go GDD8B! ... now if only I'd be there at graduation. :(

Enough with the mind games.

2010-12-04T02:14:00.001+08:00

LOL not everyday a tumblr picture makes me tear.

Come one come all.

2010-12-01T03:49:00.003+08:00

full size here. ;)
Do do do do do show up for it. It'll be worth it!

Who da girl?

2010-11-30T00:44:00.002+08:00

Day 7: Your Zodiac and traits.

So, according to this, the traditional Virgo traits are:

Modest and shy
(Eh, I guess it somewhat applies)

Meticulous and reliable
(Maybe so. I'm reliable but not meticulous LOL!)

Practical and diligent
(Not me. LOL I'm emotional but perhaps this works for Ziad since he's also a Virgo)
Intelligent and analytical (Hopefully :P)

Fussy and a worrier
(Worrier. Yes)

Overcritical and harsh
(This is more Ziad than me.)

Perfectionist and conservative
(Kind of ish)

Will bold whatever I think is me ... lol.

Virgoans love preciseness, refinement, fastidious love of cleanliness, hygiene and good order, conventionality and aristocratic attitude of reserve. They are usually observant, shrewd, critically inclined, judicious, patient, practical supporters of the status quo, and tend toward conservatism in all departments of life. On the surface they are emotionally cold, and sometimes this goes deeper, for their habit of suppressing their natural kindness may in the end cause it to atrophy, with the result that they shrink from committing themselves to friendship, make few relationships, and those they do make they are careful to keep superficial.

But the outward lack of feeling may, in some individuals born under this sign, conceal too much emotion, to which they are afraid of giving way because they do not trust others, nor do they have confidence in themselves and their judgments. This is because they are conscious of certain shortcomings in themselves of worldliness, of practicality, of sophistication and of outgoingness. So they bring the art of self concealment to a high pitch, hiding their apprehensiveness about themselves and their often considerable sympathy with other people under a mantle of matter-of-factness and undemonstrative, quiet reserve. They are still waters that run deep. Yet in their unassuming, outwardly cheerful and agreeable fashion, they can be sensible, discreet, well spoken, wise and witty, with a good understanding of other people's problems which they can tackle with a practicality not always evident in their own personal relationships.

Badum pshh.

Stellar hot.

2010-11-30T00:27:00.002+08:00

So far, this is what I've done for the flier. As you can tell, we're having our exhibition at Stellar Boutique in Subang Empire Gallery. I managed to scoop up some pictures of the space thanks to their facebook page.

That's in there!

The hallway.

Before ...

And After!

Looks good ey? Let's hope for the best folks.

Tending their lives ever so.

2010-11-28T21:16:00.002+08:00

Day 6: Write 30 facts about yourself.

I'm incredibly emotional.
I shower way too many times a day than most people.
I love eyeliner. Period.
Black is the new black. And will always be.
I used to be a fat girl (still am but slightly less so lol)
Thai steamboat aka Johnny's is my vice.
I love driving eventhough I complain about it a lot.
I'm only 1.55m tall/short.
I love learning about new cultures.
I do a really good imitation of different accents.
I don't smoke.
A lot of my friends aren't Chinese despite being one myself. Hmm.
I'm learning Urdu/Hindi as I go along.
I love to travel when things are on my time LOL.
That being said, I'm a little selfish at times.
I cry a lot. Har har.
I get too attached too quickly to things.
Lord of the Rings took over my life.
So did Anime.
I fear being alone.
I can't sleep in conditions which are too dark and too quiet.
I'm more mainstream than you think.
Designing is fun if you're not constricted to ideas by others (sadly so)
I love to dance to bhangra music. Or at least I try to.
I own 2 very cute doggies Hannah and Mystic.
I am of Peranakan heritage. (wiki says: It applies especially to the ethnic Chinese populations of the British Straits Settlements of Malaya)
I can understand Hokkien but cannot converse. And no I can't speak any other form of Chinese.
I love to cuddle. Who doesn't?
I get pissed way too easily (see 1)
I love meeting new people.

Take it easy lah!

2010-11-28T02:19:00.002+08:00

Day 5: A time when you thought of ending your life.

Not too long ago actually. Felt pretty low about things. But it wasn't as severe as it had been in my teen years. Yeah, I went through that whole emo kid era when I was 14 and wanted to slash my wrists open. Not a good place to be in. It still comes to me from time to time. It all depends on how you look at things I guess. I try to keep patient. :) But suicide is a no no. Not at all.

Show me the WORK!

2010-11-28T00:09:00.000+08:00

Tried a namecard design. If I get positive feedback from the people I ask, I'll send it in to print this week :) Fingers crossed. Will be sending out resume/portfolio all over this week/after Australia.

2010-11-27T22:19:00.002+08:00

Day 4: Your views on religion.

I'll be honest and say I'm not religious. It's a love hate thing. I never really believed in an organised religion. I believe in God. Yes I do. There IS a higher power in the universe (no not the Scientology way) but I've questioned it a lot. So many good things happen because of religion but so do so many horrible things (wars, marriages never allowed because 2 individuals aren't the same religion), arguments among families/friends etc ... However, since I met Ziad (and since Mum converted into a hardcore Christian), religion has been thrown at me from all directions. I don't know how to think of it. I kind of resent it in a way that people need to (and please don't take this the wrong way. I'm just saying what I think. Feel free to discuss if you wish) rely on a holy book to understand what is right and wrong, and those who don't read it or follow religion are "lost causes". I was brought up without much religious believes and I can say that I am a good person (for the most part anyway lol) and I know what is right and wrong.

Dry you up!

2010-11-27T09:57:00.002+08:00

Day 3 Your views on drugs and alcohol

Drugs: Well, despite knowing a lot of people who have tried it and do it on a reg. basis, I don't think I can ever bring myself to dabbing myself into the world of drugs. I've been tempted I won't lie but for some reason, I'm too chicken to take that first move towards it. Doesn't matter though, I'm proud of myself. I don't want to do drugs and no one can convince me otherwise. The only drugs I'll ever take is the panadol/tylenol sitting in my med. cabinet.

Alcohol: This, on the other hand I can involve myself in. I've been lightheaded to completely puking on the side of the road. Not a proud moment but I've been there and now I can stop wondering how it feels to be so over the edge till you have to hurl everything out. I don't really like alcohol in terms of a "drink it with dinner" sort of thing. I just drink it when there's people around and everyone's drinking ... sans food. Still, we all make those mistakes haha. I can't drink a lot mind you. I can take half a can of Carlsberg before my face turns a shy shade of pink and my hands start to swell/itch. So when I was puking that night it was bad. Really bad. Try 2 towers bad. Never again. Now it's just in moderation thanks

Dream aloud

2010-11-25T22:09:00.002+08:00

Day 2: Where you'd like to be in 10 years.

Hopefully with a great job which I love going to everyday (or working from home isn't too bad of an idea) with a great home in a suburn not too far from the city. Not to mention with a family of my own. :D I know, generic. But I do want these things. And with a better physical appearance along with emotional growth.

Decided to do this!

2010-11-24T16:36:00.002+08:00

Day 1: My relationship is a good one. For the most part. I have been with him for about a couple of years now. We've been through a lot of ups and downs with many more to go. It's been fun so far. I can only hope for the best now. We fight, we make up, and then joke about it. Sometimes we're both a little too silly for our own good but we pull through it and smile at the end of the day. Cheers Ziad.

I'd like to talk about you today.

2010-11-24T15:45:00.002+08:00

Today, let's talk about one of modern cultures icon. Kim K. Controversial is one of the descriptions one may label on her. She has made many a mistake in her past (and perhaps still is) but somehow she manages to stay in the limelight for "okay" reasons. C'mon. Lindsay Lohan and (crazy) Britney make Kim look like an angel. I'm not judging her by what I see on Keeping up with the Kardashians. That stuff looks more scripted than realistic but there's still something about her which makes me say "She's not so bad you know." She does have good opinions with realistic thoughts behind that over volumed hair. She doesn't sound as daft as some other celebs/personalities out there (like a certain heiress). She does have close family ties and is a smart businesswoman. She comes from a privileged family (with famous dad Robert Kardashian) and has had a cushy life but she honestly could have turned out a lot more spoiled than what people think she is now.

And that all aside, I think she's got massive style. It may not be for everyone but she has the guts to do it. And I love her body LOL. It's not size 0 like most celebs out there. And she makes it look good! She doesn't feel pressured to be small. She embraces what she has and is confident with it. That's probably why I admire her most. Confidence in a tough world. You go Kim!

I AM

2010-11-24T00:16:00.000+08:00

Tempting desperation.

2010-11-23T22:27:00.002+08:00

Have I turned into that "girl who posts too many pictures of her animals"? Nah, not really. These are merely photos that Mum demanded I take to send to the relatives in Australia. Still, I have to admit some of them are pretty cute.

The final presentation of the Graduate Folio is out of the way! It went really well thank God. I got a little questioning for my Dove Ad about my beliefs but I managed to sell the idea and in the end they loved what I had to say. Plus, I got an extra lecturer (most had 3 people while I had the extra lady who asked that Dove question) but it was cool. Loved it. I'm glad I ended that part of my academic life in Limkokwing with a bang. Next up, submissions for the journals + the Exhibition.

My last trip to Australia (as a person who gets free tickets) will start on the 9th of December. Which is roughly 3 weeks away. I don't know how I feel about this trip. The first thought that comes to my mind is that I might have missed out on a chance to go somewhere totally different for once (India, Sweden, New Zealand, Dubai, Russia, ANYWHERE ELSE) with my last ticket. Australia was the best option for me financially which is why I chose it ... and my India option came a little too late once I had booked my current ticket. So, Down Undah it is. At least this time I get to say I went solo. May the Roos be with me.

We don't need to understand.

2010-11-22T02:53:00.002+08:00

With me laughing at Harry, it marks the end of an eventful night. Workwise. My graduate folio is ready for assessment tomorrow. It all boils down to this. Fingers crossed guys!

Watched this with Ziad just now. It's comical to think how much people go through for weddings in Pakistan. But it was definitely fun to watch. Would I want this kind of wedding? Mmm, sans horse. SURE WHY NOT?! I told him to start saving his money RM10 a month and maybe I'd be able to get this wedding in 10 years. LOL! But jokes aside, I thought it was a really fun looking wedding. Now, if only anyone would dance at mine. ATTN Mei Anne and Nisha. 2.40 mins. That's YOU GUYS. But basically everything gets AWESOME at 4.20 mins. THATS WHAT I WANT.

I can't believe I just wrote a whole paragraph on weddings. LOL. It's 3AM. I'm going to bed. Shab bakhair~

24 hours. Not.

2010-11-22T00:17:00.001+08:00

In 12 hours (or so) I will be presenting my graduate folio to the Curtin Moderators. I only have 15 mins to present 15 pieces of work. Am I nervous? YES I AM!

Misterious

2010-11-21T16:30:00.002+08:00

This is what everything is right now. A blur of lights and sound in darkness. I am lost and I need someone to rescue me from myself. My internal battles have only begun. It's more than just what you think and what I understand. Hold onto my hand and tell me everything will be OK and I shall believe and follow.

WOOT!

2010-11-15T01:47:00.000+08:00

Don't let go

2010-11-13T22:38:00.003+08:00

While Mistique is getting used to her new home, she seems to have gotten into a little bit of trouble and now looks like this:

Yeah, my dog now adorns the latest in canine fashion: The CONE OF SHAME. LOL. It'll be 2 more weeks till she can take it off.

And my OPVNPDOBNPBn post

2010-11-12T21:43:00.000+08:00

Just took a whole lot of sleeping pills. I'm gonna crash till tomorrow. Out.

KILL YO SELF KILL YO SELF

2010-11-11T22:48:00.001+08:00

Im so pissed right now I just wanna strangle someone half to death. I have an idea on who that someone is but unfortunately that person isn't around to face my anger. Seriously. I'm so sick of this person. There's no point being nice to them if they just fuck you over.

Today was productive, both physically, dramatically and financially.

Productive: Worked out a lot today and my body feels like jelly now. Painful jelly. I got my self promo video done. Hosted on facebook.
Dramatic: Dad found out about my summons. I just lost a premature RM100. I am CASHLESS.
Financially: I was kidding. I don't have any money.

My mind is so messed up. I couldn't care less who else I piss off today. Maybe it's PMS. Whatever screw people.

For the lolz.

2010-11-11T00:17:00.001+08:00

I had time + ImageReady + Clips + Photoshop.

Yet again with the FAT issues. LOL

2010-11-09T21:58:00.002+08:00

Been feeling rather blue (or EXPANDED) lately when some individuals passed some comments that I was gaining weight. I felt pretty bad about it. I was even told WHILE I was slugging it out on the stepper that I was slightly meatier than I was a few weeks ago. I need to re-motivate myself.

Gonna change my daily workout a little bit tomorrow. And I'm gonna start on the whole Fitnesse 14 day cereal thing. I heard it works. Fingers crossed.

Fuck you folks

2010-11-08T20:43:00.001+08:00

I've done all I can do for whatever time I have left. The exhibition is taking a toll on me and it's a waste of so much time, I cannot begin to explain how much I despise it. It's run by a group of power hungry, horrid leadership skilled, stuck up, queen bees who only know how to listen to their own opinions instead of the 10+ other people who are sitting in the same room. That, I have no problem with. The best part of it is, they think they can reschedule anything they like according to their personal convenience at the expense of others. For example, I was told there would be a shoot for the video presentation on the day of the Exhibition. I turn up to uni on a day which I don't even need to be there. I waited for a solid 2 hours before I had to track someone down only to find out it's POSTPONED (insert echo here) till Wednesday.

Guess what? I'm not showing up. This exhibition can go shove itself up it's ass. I'm out. I wish I never paid the money I contributed for it. At the rate, I don't even want to attend it. I'm not going to graduation, a meager exhibition wouldn't hurt me either.

I'm honestly not in the mood anymore. It's sad to think that it's my last two weeks left in Limkokwing University and instead of hauling butt, I am lethargic, not in the mood to work, too pissed off with my peers and just flat out f**ked from everything around me. I want to have NOTHING to do with this University once I graduate. Ever.

BLEHONSPOVNSP

2010-11-08T18:55:00.001+08:00

Reason why I'm not losing any more weight: Plateau. This is the worst thing anyone who has been hauling ass in a gym can hear. Time to switch the workout routine. Oh yeah and to lay off the Mee Goreng at Mamaks ... yes I have been a little guilty of being greedy lately. I need more discipline. But once I get rid of the bloat, I'll be back on track!

I need space.

2010-11-07T21:31:00.000+08:00

Tere nasha?

2010-11-07T00:06:00.002+08:00

My Book for Design Reflective is finally done. All I need to do is print it ... oh yeah and to design a packaging for it.

Today was a good day. Despite a lot of crap which happened (got into an argument with a friend before he left Malaysia for good and got into a fender bender with a cab ... asshole didn't pay for the damages HE caused), I still managed to spend some time with Ziad with a nice cup of teh ais. It was a really good afternoon. Then getting work completed by nightfall, ah bliss. I can rest well tonight.

Some pics from Halloween Night:

Tumblr did some good today!

2010-11-06T21:44:00.002+08:00

So happy I found this font. Or well script to create it. I've been searching for MONTHS!

Yeah well, I guess not all words can be understood.

2010-11-06T00:27:00.001+08:00

I was too ... lethargic.

2010-11-02T23:32:00.002+08:00

You know you're Malaysian When:

You're willing to consume sambal petai and durian and gladly suffer the bloating and wind-breaking incidents.

But, petai is AWESOME.

You order Maggi goreng and fried chicken, complain about how oily the food is, and then proceed to finish it anyway.

LOL. Again, but Maggi goreng is AWESOME

You love to talk about food. You're already thinking about what to have for dinner while eating lunch. "I'm stuffed. What shall we have for dinner?"

I know. My mum is a perfect example.

You dive into a communal-style meal the moment the dish lands on the table only to hesitate at the last morsel of food on the serving dish. There are two possible explanations for this: the first is the pai seh (embarrassed) factor, while the other is the myth that the person who eats the last piece will be a spinster.

Really? I didn't know about the 2nd explanation. I don't eat it cause I believe the first pick was the best? LOL but it doesn't bother me so much.

You hit the accelerator the moment the first drop of rain hits your windshield. "Alamak, it's going to rain. Sure traffic jam one. I'd better drive faster."

No lah!

You seize the opportunity to make a U-turn anywhere ... especially where there is a sign telling you not to. Well, so long as the cops aren't in sight.

Guilty. HEY! I don't wanna drive another 10km down the poorly planned highway!

You feel a burning desire to send text messages and even have the gall to give your friend a blow-by-blow account of the movie to your friend on the handphone ? during the screening of the movie. "Okay, now that girl Lizzie is impersonating an Italian singer; she so doesn?t look Italian ..."

It depends. But not with the whole movie thing.

You forsake your loved ones for the all-important four letter-word: S-A-L-E. "Sorry, mum, I can't take you to Aunt Mary?s because I have to go to MidValley before the crowd." You?re also more than happy to be part of the insane traffic jam that forms around malls during weekends and sale periods.

No lah, Thankfully I'm not an avid shopper.

Reality shows like Akademi Fantasia and Malaysian Idol dictate your social life. "What, no TV at the mamak? Count me out ? I'm staying home. Rinie needs my support."

HAHA I know some people like this. I can't be bothered.

You pepper every sentence with lah. "No-lah, I can't see you today-lah. I have to study-lah. You know-lah, the prison warden aka mak is watching me like a hawk"

You don't even need to mention this.

You fail to function normally without your daily dose of teh tarik and nasi lemak.

Used to. Now I need Limau Ais and Bihun Goren. OMG.

You have owned at least one Proton in your lifetime. Cheap, cheap. That is until you start to make enough dough to buy that Honda you've been salivating over.

No lah, We're pro Perodua. LOL! Protons can kiss my ass.

You'd rather park your car along the main road outside the mall, where there's a yellow line, rather than pay RM1 to park inside where there are adequate bays.

FORGET THIS. PARK INSIDE GODDAMIT.

You plead, bat your eyelids and relate a sob story to the officer at the town council office to let you off the hook (or reduce the amount considerably) for the fine you incurred when you parked your car on the double line.

Bleh, I just told her off. Stupid incompetent retard.

You make an appointment for 10am and conveniently show up a half hour late ? Malaysian time, what ...

Exactly. Malaysian Local Time.

You pop open the wet tissue packet at the Chinese restaurant by squeezing the trapped air to the top of the packet before proceeding to smash your fist into it. The louder the pop the better.

HAHA, when I was a kid anyway.

You greet your friend / neighbor / acquaintance on the street with "How are things?" or "Have you eaten?" or better yet, by stating the obvious: "Went to market ah?"

LOL! It depends. If they're local then yeah. I tried it with foreign friends and they were like "Why do you care if I'm hungry?" :D

Ramlee burger is the "piece de resistance" of your growing-up-years cuisine.

Hmm. No la ... Chicken Rice. Ramlee is my sisters vice.

You catch all major televised events at the mamak.

Only EPL mah. Even then, with Astro at home in HD, who needs milo ais? LOL!

You have roughly six meals a day (breakfast, mid-morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and supper). Then there's the snacking ? keropok ikan, pisang goreng, muruku, jam tarts and the like.

Oh. My. Gaw. I miss keropok lekor ... with goreng pisang. And air kelapa. On a hot day. SHIT!

Your accent and language style vary according to the race of the person you are conversing with.

True, true. I like messing with people. But for the most part, I keep it standard. No one needs a faker on their hands :) Speak teh Inggeris.

You diss our country all the time, but as soon as something good happens (like winning the Thomas Cup), you morph into a proud Malaysian.

Haha. Or when Malaysia and Singapore played in the Tiger Cup. Woahz.

You never travel abroad without a bottle of chilli sauce, or sachets which you can sneak into restaurants.

Mum did this once. It was a LIFE SAVER!

Some things you can't live without.

It does take a lot

2010-11-02T20:31:00.004+08:00

As you can see, the Tan home has undertaken some changes lately.

We got the house painted. No more chipped off or cobwebbed filled corners of the house!
We got new spotlights installed. These are from IKEA.
We got rid of a LOT of furniture/junk. Although I have to admit, my shoe collection has moved to the boot of my car :(
The front door is white! I know I've said this many times. I seriously can't get over how much I love it.
We got new cabinets installed in the kitchen along with a hood on top of the stove. I would have opted for this masterpiece from Elica at £999 (RM4,949.66) but I didn't think anyone would agree. LOL
We got new curtains as well but I didn't photograph the living room area.

All and all, I'm quite pleased with the house now. Things to look more put together. There's some things we need to touch up on and hopefully along the next few weeks, everything will be sorted out. With minimum stress I hope.

Mum decided to adopt a Golden Retriever from her friend. We're not too sure on our opinions of this. I certainly wasn't for the idea for 2 very good reason. One, we already have a dog (as you can see in the image above). We're content with her and I already have enough on my plate running around after her as it is. Two, another dog means more work, more getting used to and more arguments among us. To put it simply, I know we'll be returning it by the time I leave for Melboure. Watch this space.

Gonna concoct up a mock for my booklet design for Design Reflective. I've more or less come up with a name for the book, I've got the content, now I gotta put it all together in what I hope will work out perfectly. I was inspired by pieces like these:

Point is, long and soft edges. It's simple. I don't need any fancy pop ups. If I can manage a few die cut shapes in the book, I'll try to work it out. Hopefully this all works out. I don't have much time till the semester ends.

Someone got a haircut. Phew!

I might be the last you know

2010-10-31T23:13:00.002+08:00

This is how my laptop looks like. Endless files on Photoshop. Saved, re-edited, saved again, exported as PDFs, emailed back and forth. I can't take this shiz anymore. I've been working since 2PM and my brains are just about melted into salted goo.

I've been thinking a lot lately. Surprisingly amidst the workpile (which I am so sinfully avoiding), I have time to reflect and predict and all those things. I really feel like I should move out soon. Not in a the whole "Im being rebellious Mom and Dad hah!" way. I do feel like I need my own space to grow now. I spend most of my days away from home, and when I do get back it's always filled with negativity from all spectrum's. Maybe I've outgrown my welcome? I don't know. I just feel like I need to be on my own now. My own job, my own responsibilities and my own calls in what I do. I don't think I can contribute anymore to this household but more difficulties so I should just get out of their way.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this and there's nothing wrong at all. I don't know.

Went to MAYA with Ziad last night. Well, if you understand Tamil and are into the whole music scene, then I would think you had tonnes of fun. If you're like me, who expected it to be more like last years event which was more Hindi/English based, you would have thrown your ticket to the ground after ripping it up hoping that no one would be around to watch you pee on it (with Zain as my inspiration). It was ... bleh. I wish I had spent my RM20 on a meal at Dominoes (WHICH we would have done in the first place). Sorry guys, I ain't attending anymore MAYA's.

I swear to God, this poster is just ... yeah nevermind. The next event on my list: Halloween Night. Battle of the Freaks. Also held in Limkokwing. Party starts on the 4th of November. Hope it goes well. Can't take another letdown ;)