What.

“Being solitary is being alone well: being alone luxuriously immersed in doings of your own choice, aware of the fullness of your won presence rather than of the absence of others.”

-Alice Koller

Been feeling a little blue lately. I don't know why though. Perhaps I do but I don't want to admit the reasons. I guess it's cause I don't wanna look weak? Not too sure about that. Maybe I'm just lying to myself. We all do once in a while right? I've just gotten really good at it.

It's not that I'm depressed or anything. I'm happy and content with most of my life now and I am having fun with the people around me. It's just that I'm sad. Sad for being sad. If that makes sense. Hope it's not pre-depression or something lol. Nah, it couldn't be. I'm just complaining. Thats all I seem to do. Complain. My life isn't hard ... there's no struggles and the problems are merely minor. But there's just something missing I guess. I don't know ... fudge it.

Sometimes I feel like yelling out in defeat to the world and throwing my hands up and telling everyone I give up. I'm done and no amount of comforting would help this crap-tastic garbage of a situation I'm in. I'm lost and I think I need to change my direction. Question is, which way? I want my life back now. I am no longer me. If that makes sense. I don't think I can tell this to anyone I want and the only person who told me I could confide anything in them is currently unavailable both in physical and mental forms. The only 'advise' I got from said person was "Deal with your problems yourself." ... I don't think I saw that coming.