Phir Milenge.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder. However sometimes it does make it hurt a lot more than it should. You see such a sad side of yourself which you don't really want to know. You don't want to know that version of yourself. You don't want to know to what levels of low you stoop. You lay down at night just looking up, left and right wondering what to do. How do you let your mind wander? How do you stop playing memories (good and bad) all over in your head. Tell yourself you'll be fine. Distract yourself. Eventually give up and shut your eyes and drift into a restless sleep. Usually you find ways to tire yourself so that you don't get the chance to think at night when you're really by yourself.

They're not really remarkable. In fact, down right average. He's not the most successful person I know. He's not the best looking nor is he the most suave Casanova around. But he's so much more than that in his own ways. He's caring, patient, funny, considerate (ish), committed, realistic, ambitious, fun, neat (for the most part), sweet, interesting, knowledgeable, street smart, polite, and beyond. He's amazing. We're all at fault for falling for someone from time to time. Heck, human beings themselves are constantly searching for that "other half" of themselves. Cliche and overdone. It sucks being needy as we are. Some tolerate and control their feelings better while some wear it on their sleeves. Some take weeks and some take years before opening their heart to letting love in. Some deny it while some crave it. Some crave while they deny it.


I don't deny it. I know I would like companionship at the end of the day. It makes me tick. I'm not afraid to admit that as "free spirited" as I would like to portray myself to be, I'd like to come home to someone at the end of the day and let my hair down. I could be wrong about him now but I do hope. I hope with all I can hope for. I hope that as we age and mature, our decision making gets better and less juvenile. I hope we make better choices and act more rationally. Going back to my first topic, being away from someone does throw you a little off your track when you're so used to being around that person. It blurs your mind and makes you feel like you're all alone when you're really not. You're just getting used to the extra time which you can easily fill by doing things that make YOU happy.

Why am I writing this? Because I know it makes me happy. It fills my time and I love to write. I love self reflecting. I love knowing me a lot better because no one else does. I love knowing myself more than anyone! And that's why I write this. I miss you dearly but I know I will see you soon :)