Stop trying to change me. I am what I am - Above and Beyond.

People aren't as truthful as they think they'd like to be. Everyone stabs everyone in the back these days. It's funny to see how some people stoop so low to get out of trouble by lying or coming up with insane stories. Do not trust anyone. As close as you'd like to hope you are to that person. Nothing, I repeat, nothing will stop them from pulling that knife out and sticking into your back should something to their advantage arise. It's sickening. Maturity does not come with age. At all. I don't believe this. People are conniving and are advanced players in games of the mind. I trust no one but myself. I pass no one knowledge and I share nothing. When you have good intentions with people, they take advantage of your kindness and twist and turn. No, aside from your own mother and father, it would be wise to not divulge your ongoings with individuals who "seem" to be your friend.



Just know who I am.

Anne, Y U SO PERFEK?!

Here's something I hate to admit. Being a girl does give me the little feeling of wanting to cuddle up to someone from time to time. I feel like just sending out mushy-as-hell messages to the man who makes me smile. I want to snuggle up to him and just lay my head on his chest and just fall asleep while he plays with my hair. I want to smell his perfume and smile to myself as the scent of it reminds me of better times. I want to leave him cheesy notes on his pillow and I want to make cookies for him (ok I think it's better if I just buy them instead of bake). I want to squint my eyes into a smile as he leans in to kiss my forehead.



I don't know. I'm tired of being all anti displays of affection from time to time. I don't advise people start making out in the middle of the street but these smalls gestures that men and women do for their significant others are ... well ... significant. I don't think we should hide from it. I'd like to be able to hold on to my partners hand in the middle of a crowded room as well as an open field. No social barriers to stop me from doing that. What's the harm in it anyway? I don't understand. I don't want to have my butt groped but a simple tug at my fingers would suffice. Is it wrong that women ... and men alike want to feel loved sometimes even when it's not within the confinement of four walls?

I mean it.

Nothing but good feelings today. I love it. I woke up with a smile. Laid in bed for a good half an hour before proceeding to continue in my daily routine of waking up. No, I didn't feel like P. Diddy but it definitely was a good feeling at best. I'll be staying in most of today and probably the weekend. I've had a long week of shopping/hanging out/working out/etc so now I'd like to just have a good weekend in. I might start working on Monday at a job nearby home for a shipping company or somewhat. I don't know what the job specs are as of yet but it can't be too hard if Mum worked there a few months before. The pay won't be as much as I would ask for but I think as long as I'm employed right now, that's the important thing. Fingers crossed! again.

LOL, I thought it was interesting that I google myself tonight. Why though? I don't know. I just felt like it. I found a blog entry by an old friend (whose name shall remain annon for his sake). It was nice to hear what he thought about me:

Another personality almost similar to Wan Xiong would be my back-in-the-days Photoshop guruette, Alison Tan. Her and brushes clicked like silk, and all her arts look damn professional. Back when I just met her she was already obsessed with creating all sorts of digital pieces like icons, wallpapers and posters. Looking back at our co-op project for IU Day, the things she came up with so easily dwarfed my 2 nights straight hard effort. Now studying at LimKokWing, will only enhance what she does best and now running around with her own 400D, she’s sure to give some old timers a run for their money in the future.

So yep, thanks a million dude. I hope you still think I'm that good. ;) If I'm not mistaken he had just left for Karachi before he wrote that entry. How coincidental?

Day 10: Describe your first love and first kiss.

Well, the first love happened when I was in Primary school. Yep, good ol' puppy love. It was for a boy I had initially hated as a person as he was kind of a bully who used to tease. That being said, we became friends over a period of 2 years and eventually confessed our "feelings" for each other. It was all cute. Over notes we used to leave in each others pencil cases/bags during lunch break. So yeap.

As for my first kiss, that was another story altogether. I was 19 and it was Ziad. Enough said. LOL.

I hold you close, and listen to the silence between the both of us. I smile to myself. I'm now calm with the knowledge you are right next to me. With my eyes shut, I whisper into your ear that I do love you with every fiber of my being. Do I really? Or am I overwhelmed by emotion and in such scenarios say things which I don't mean? I wish to retire my thoughts and lay them to rest. I want to walk in open fields alone. Completely alone. With my earphones which play melodies into my brain, I will walk alone in this state. I will be with the sky and land. I will be far from home and will roam free. But really, I don't wish to be away for too long. I still crave the love and attention from you. You embody all I need and want and yet, with the conflict which is ever present I feel the most furthest from you when I am right next to you. How is this so?

And with these thoughts, I will go to bed now and remember that this is merely a dream.

Day 9: How you hope your future would be like.


- via venitiandreams

+


Happy with a partner who will be with me throughout thick and thin.

- via fueledbyphotos

+


Better physique

-via forgottenfragments

+ a great job and a good home to live in.

Kinda basic isn't it? LOL.

Always looks better on a skinner person. LOL! Damn, boredom does take its toll.

Yet again, I've forgotten my commitment to the 30 Day Meme.

I don't even remember what day I stopped at, so I'll just take a stab and go from DAY 8. A Day I was most satisfied with life.

Does anyone care?



Eh, probably not. But I'll go on anyway. I was perhaps the most satisfied with myself the moment I got my results for my final semester in Limkokwing Uni. It marked the end of my academic life and it was not on a bad note and my grades were satisfying more than anything else. I had made my time in the University worth while (especially to my parents pockets) and it was gratifying. That's one of those "Oh, yeah you did it girl" days. :)

Just cause I can.

Because I suddenly feel as if I'll lose you. I'm scared and worried for many reasons more than one. I feel the lump in my throat grow larger and my palms are now sweaty. I feel as if we're living on borrowed time. And when you borrow something, you have to give it back. Is this the payment? You? I don't know but I need some assurance that something will happen soon. I feel like everything is tossed around in a large washing machine of life. Everything is now spinning and it won't stop unless someone presses that "stop" button. What happens now? Where do we go from here? I may be a paranoid individual but I'd rather keep my worries with me rather than to wander aimlessly without a direction because I am of course, scared after all.

& in other news, the internet sucks today lol. Back to bumming.

Month of January has reached double digits. The clock seems to move faster now. 2010 is a blur 2011 ever more so. What's going on? What happened to the concept of time? It feels like a joke now.

Will be attending a dinner session with everyone tomorrow for Kavi's birthday/farewell to Poland for 7 weeks. I'll be missing her like a fat kid misses cake. (Did you hear that Kavi?!) ... It'll definitely be a little different without her around to poke at. Plus she's someone I can always go to for some rock solid smackdown talks. LOL. In any case ... it should be a good night tomorrow. I need to bust a move at the gym in the morning to get some weight lost for the dancefloor. HAHA. (Macam la boleh dance pon. Ni cakap keropok je)

I got my rear seat belts (finally) installed in the Kelisa. It looks spankin' now but it also looks bleh. I loved it when it was un-belted. There was room for more folks. HAHA. Ah well, it's not like I drive tonnes of people around either so it's all good. It was more for Dad and his peace of mind that I finally got it done so no cop can pull a saman for fun game on me.

for many different reasons. Smile Alison.

It was a lovely New Years Celebration this year. I had a lot of fun. I'd never forget it of course. It was with the best people I can come up with. Good people, good food and good fun. Would do it all over again if I could. Time to snap back to reality though. Life isn't a fantasy after all. I have truly started to (almost) accept that everything does happen for a reason. You may not know why certain people enter your life and you never know when they leave ... of if they leave at all. It's all up to the Almighty above and if He decides to remove/add people in your life. Let it be. You'll realise soon enough why it was done. I really do believe that now. I put my faith in Him.

Woah. Ok. Moving on.

I've been crying my eyes out these last few days due to stupid decisions and bad judgment. I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't know what to do.