Probably never again

This is based on a conversation I had with a very good friend of mine. We were sitting alone at 4AM wondering why we had become the way we have. Came to this conclusion and decided to stick to it. We really do just fall once. And that one time would be the purest time. It doesn’t matter if the person was a douche or an angel. You’d love them regardless. You never forget them. You remember your good times, bad times, everytime. What was interesting about this was that we (me and my friend) are two very different people who lead very different lives but shared a common sadness/feeling about our pasts. You could say it’s driven us to become a little less motivated to choose new partners. Moving on doesn’t always mean you find someone new to make you happy, but just to be happy with yourself. With the help of a few very good friends, I’m focusing on my own well-being now. Physically and mentally. We meet weekly to just sit, chat, reflect, tease, work out, compare, share and just be happy with the fact we’re a trio of twenty somethings who don’t want/need relationships anymore and are very happy with ourselves as we are if not soon to be improved versions of ourselves.

Why once? You never regain that same feeling anymore once it's gone. I don't know, maybe it's because I haven't personally experienced it and neither has my friend. You meet new people, you try to like them, in fact you try to fall in love again. You try hard ... but it never really happens does it? You just drift on and on till you realise it's not working out. Break up, leave, start over, whatever. It doesn't provide that same charm it did when you FIRST laid your eyes on your FIRST. That first kiss will never be relived. The first time you said "I love you". The first time you brought them home to Mom and Dad, the first time you think "He/She's the one". Even if you feel the same way again for someone else, it never is the same as it felt the first time. I fell in love. Once. I don't think I'd ever be able to recreate the same feelings as I did. Even if I do meet someone in the future, I don't think I would feel the same. I might fall in love, I might wake up next to this person with a smile on my face ... but it won't be the same. It's become diluted and muted. With time, we'll just fall into a routine. Which is how I see most marriages these days. People never ending up with the ones they wanted to. But they're not unhappy either in their current marriages ... just moving on. They're moving on forever.

I guess I had my 'Once". I had my time. Those were the best and worst times I had. But I had them. They'll always be with me. But thats it. Just memories now. One day I'll wake up, find out the person I loved is now married. I'll break down. I'll cry. I'll curl up in despair and wallow for days if not weeks. But then, I'll move on. Eventually. And carry on my life as we all should and eventually do. You wish them well, and smile (even if you have to fake it) and walk away. I had my time and I'm happy I did :)