What I want more than anything else now is peace of mind. I need to lie down at night and say to myself, alright ... enough is enough and drift into a dreamless sleep. Or I don't know, perhaps if I dream of you today, it'll help me to get through tomorrow.

via

Mmm, damn I miss eating these. We had some in Australia in abundance due to my aunts neighbours tree which was overbearing with fruit. All we had to do was stand in the backyard and wait for them to fall. Lulz. August is rolling in, Spring will be here any time now.



Classes officially start tomorrow (actually, today) and I have no idea when or what my first class is. Uni decided to be a jackass and not release our timetable till Monday/today. And so I don't even know if it's in the afternoon or morning and I could be wasting my entire day away there. How useless.

Sad thing is, on the eve of my return to uni, my body decides to play a cruel prank and fall sick. I'm suffering a rather harsh cough and sorethroat and all I can hope out of it is that I gain an awesome deep scratchy voice ... because it sounds smexy. LOL. But really though, I really feel the need to get myself a mask for classes. I don't want to get any sicker and I don't wanna spread what I have too.

Another shitty thing is that my gag reflex has been on the fritz as of late. I occasionally feel the need to hurl and when in public, perhaps not a good feeling to go through. I blame the damn cough. Lovely timing la Alison.



Random. Just felt like it. Hallo baby me!

Because some things I'll never learn.

(via chrryblssmninja)

1. Went to uni to register for my new semester. When the lady at the registry asked if I was in "Year 2, semester 2." I was literally speechless. I cannot believe it's been that long. I simply nodded and walked off slighty shocked.
2. Drove down to Alamanda with Kinna, Sami, Mariah, Naz, Edmund and Anne. Had Maccas for lunch (thanks Anne) and Big Apple/Starbucks for dessert. :D
3. Drove back to Cyber and watched half an hour of Chocolat at Kinnas.
4. Chilled at home for a bit.
5. Went for a walk/dinner with Nisha
6. Wondered about certain things about someone.
7. Decided to get a bottle of Absolut come September for no purpose at all.
8. Came home and got killed by millions of mosquitoes.
9. Watched porn for an hour.

Ok that last one was a lie. It was a pretty slow day though eventful. Loved it from start till end. Uni however can go shove itself because you'd think after MANY years of learning from their mistakes made on registration day, it would seem that it can ONLY get worse. They've degraded from the Hall of Fame to the Plaza to the Courtyards. They supposed the whole FDI faculty could fit into a single courtyard. Oh yeah, the bursary was moved to the old Art Shop location. Lovely. I love how much we fork out for such service. Nice. Cbb I guess. Class starts on Monday. Oh yeah, we didn't even get our timetables because the staff are still shuffling it around deciding on how to place the subjects. You only had like 2 months to do so? I <3 LKW!

So don't try to change me :D

via

Just do something random and spontaneous. Be nicer. Know who you're talking to, don't fucking push me aside and TREAT ME BETTER!

Time really just flies by when you're having a real blast or are occupied with something interesting. How is it that it slows down tremendously when you're idle and rather put out? It's as if the human psyche has the ability to just reach out and push the minute hand back a little further should it decide to speed up.

I think my parentals are on the brink of telling me I've been disappearing a lot these days (when really, I'll only be gone for about 6 hours.) and coming home really late. I do appreciate they allow me the freedom to go out with friends and hang out but when they leave me comments which make me feel so guilty each time I leave the house, it's hardly worth the trip anymore to be honest. I'll be sitting with a bunch of people when my phone starts going off with texts of the Who's Why's When's and Where's. After I told them all of those details before I left, they still find the need to ask me again. I don't understand.

I don't think it'll ever change the moment I hit 21 either. Everyone tells me "hey once you turn 21, your folks won't stop you or anything." I beg to differ. I doubt things will be any different unless someone confronts the other on this matter soon. The thing is, I'm not asking to come home at 4AM and stumble in the door drunk with a ciggy in my mouth or anything. I just need the freedom to not have to ASK permission every time I go somewhere. I need the freedom to just say I'm going somewhere and I might be back a little depending on the situation. I'm honestly not out there partying my face off or anything (if you know me well you'll definitely know this) and whatnot. I'd just like to hang out with my friends a little later than the usual Cinderella time frame of midnight. Not only that but God forbid I'm home half an hour later than I said I'd be, everyone throws a fit and then get all pissy at me.

I wonder if they remember I used to live out on my own for a whole year without any parental supervision and I didn't die as you might have noticed. Why do they freak their pants off now? If they had gone bonkers while I was away, I'd have understood but I don't get their issue now. *sighs* Well, perhaps I'm not meant to. Parents have their own level of thinking. One probably cannot understand their logic until one becomes a parent themselves.

I don't have any problems with them not telling me to not go out but when they give me stupid reasons not to, it pisses me off.



1. You've been going out everyday lately = I've only gone out 3 out of 7 days in a week.
2. You're always out so late every time = I'm always home by 12 or half past at most.
3. You and your friends are probably out drinking or something = PLEASE, give me a breathalyzer test every time I come home. Please.
4. You smell like an ashtray, have you been smoking? = I happen to go to a uni where almost everyone and their aunts smoke. Not to mention I visit homes of friends who smoke. Doesn't make me a smoker.
5. I called you 3 times and you didn't answer me. Don't be pissed cause you can't go out = I had my headphones on and I couldn't hear you. What the hell?

I'll never understand.

Mum and Dad, I really don't know what you want from me anymore. When I'm around, I'm blamed for things. When I'm not around, I get yelled at. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?! I cannot take this anymore. I can't even stay in my own room before you tell me off for locking myself up all day.


I think I should say this one day to you. But ...



Everything is just so messed up right now. It'll calm down in an hour but for now, it's intense and painful. Why do they have to react in such a way to me? I wanna leave but I can't even do that!

How do you go out for a night of fun, only to come back feeling like uber shit?
That is some messed up shit.

x


x


(ah shit.)




















:(






(probably the one that hit me the most)

the rest are from i can read

Sir, kalau buat conceptual book cam ni boleh tak? :D
(not that I want to lah. That's suicide)

I thought I felt hopeless about my assignments before. Doesn't compare to what I feel now. :(